Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
