He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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