I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
