Whod you bang
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
