Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am available for nakedness
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
