Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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