someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
