Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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