He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
