He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
