Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
