so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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