How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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