ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
