The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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