the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
