wrigley field is MILF paradise
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
