Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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