I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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