How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My ass is underappreciated
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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