I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
