thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
