i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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