she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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