ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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