ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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