i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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