I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
