Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
