wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
