Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i will never coherently bang her
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
