I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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