dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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