when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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