When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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