Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
