She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother†Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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