Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
