dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
