when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think your dad took our porno
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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