He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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