My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
