No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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