I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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