I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
