I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
