for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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