I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
