Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
