So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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