he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
